Should you add your coworkers on social media?

Transcript

Christine Dela Rosa:
Welcome to Work Check, an original podcast from Atlassian, where we take everyday workplace practices and debate if they're actually working for us. And today, we're asking should you add your coworkers on social media? I'm your host, Christine Dela Rosa, who is still learning how to maintain healthy friendships in the physical world, let alone connecting with coworkers online. Joining me today to debate this question, we have Rani Shah, whose claim to fame is that she made a viral TikTok video in 2020 that currently has over 185,000 likes. Holy smokes, that's a lot!

Rani Shah:
Thank you. And to answer any follow-ups, no, I don't have any others. I am a one-hit-TikTok wonder.

Christine Dela Rosa:
And debating Rani today is Maren Hotvedt, who tells me that her dog's Instagram is more active than her own.

Maren Hotvedt:
Got to keep her fans happy with fresh content.

Rani Shah:
I'm going to need a link to that Instagram.

Christine Dela Rosa:
All right. Before we get into the debate, let's all get on the same page. When we say social media, we're talking about Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter – all the places where people tend to post about their personal lives. We are not talking about LinkedIn, for example, because that's the kind of platform designed specifically for professional networking. As your judge, I'm looking for the most persuasive stories and evidence to help me declare the winner of today's debate. So with that in mind, Rani, on the pro side, tell us: why should you connect with your coworkers on social media?

Rani Shah:
Okay. Let's get into it. I'm so pumped to debate this topic today because I've personally had a bunch of positive experiences with having my coworkers on social. I've gotten to know them better. I've learned things about their lives, been able to share in big life milestones that we probably don't get into over Zoom meetings. So I really would love to open my argument with the undeniable fact that social media is a tool to connect with coworkers more deeply. It helps me see them beyond just a Zoom square, or a Slack notification. It makes me more than just Rani from accounting. Disclaimer, I am not an accountant.

Christine Dela Rosa:
I was going to say.

Rani Shah:
But social media, it adds color. It adds context to people that you truly do spend most of your day with. So I wanted to ask you both, have you guys heard of the term ‘perceived proximity?’

Maren Hotvedt:
No.

Christine Dela Rosa:
No.

Rani Shah:
Okay. It's a psychological concept that basically means that you feel closer or more connected to people that you aren't as physically close to. So for example, I'm in New York City and we aren't exactly known for knowing our neighbors, even though I do hear them and see them all the time. I definitely feel more connected with my coworkers who live across the country, and this is because I have this opportunity to keep up with them on social media. I see their updates, their tweets, their lunch, and it makes me feel closer to them and who they want me to perceive them as.

Rani Shah:
And to learn more about all these wonderful ways social can bond us as teammates, I chatted with my guest, Susan McPherson. She runs a communications consultancy called McPherson Strategies. She recently also wrote a book called "The Lost Art of Connecting" and is a self-described 'serial connector.' Here's Susan.

Susan McPherson:
I have found in the last 15 years since we've had social media that it has been a gateway to learn more about the colleagues that I spend the greater percentage of my life with. For me, I have 15 employees. They are located all around the world and it gives me a window into what gives them joy. You might learn that you grew up in the same hometown. You might learn that you have an absolute love of speaking a foreign language that you both share. These are things in normal conversations at what we used to do at the water cooler wouldn't come up.

Susan McPherson:
So it's a way to build comradery, build relationships, and there are many companies – even pre-pandemic – that had disparate offices that you might never meet your colleagues. And this way you can.

Rani Shah:
So Susan brings up the pandemic and that's a great point. We've all experienced more distance between our teams over the past years, and social media can help us bridge that distance. You can see their pets, their meals, learn what they're up to. Like, one of my coworkers I'm super close to tweets about Jurassic Park. That's my favorite movie, and that sparks so many weird and wonderful conversations between us at work. And that's not a random example. I literally sent this exact same colleague a postcard for the holidays a few years ago with screenshots of all of her best Jurassic Park tweets.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Cute.

Rani Shah:
So shout out to Erica. And I even asked some of my friends in, like, a rogue text thread about their thoughts on adding coworkers on social media fully, fully expecting some pushback. But they agreed with me. One of my best friends who works remotely made a great point and she said, "I also feel like when I consider my colleagues friends, it helps everyone stay accountable to each other because we don't want to let them down or drop the ball." Having that real world connection outside of work means you can deepen those relationships, which can make the team cohesion even stronger.

Rani Shah:
So social media helps build a bridge and I think just makes the workplace a better place.

Christine Dela Rosa:
I really like what you just said there at the end, Rani, because it's more than "the right thing to do" to see people as whole people, as whole humans, but you brought it back to teamwork – how we interact with each other and how we see people impacts how we work together, how we are motivated as a team, how we come together. So this bridge you're talking about isn't just a bridge to go back and forth. It's a bridge to pull people together. Which I think is such a nice, heartwarming way to start this off.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Maren, what kind of positive things do you have on the con side for us?

Maren Hotvedt:
If by positive you mean broken bridges, then I'm here to talk about that.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Ready.

Maren Hotvedt:
So my first point is really, I think, the flip side of Rani's argument, which is that as much as social media has the potential to bring us together, there are so many stories of people discovering divides on social media that can create real awkwardness in the office. 14% of workers have found information on social media that has improved their professional opinion of a colleague. But at the same time, a similar share, 16%, have found information that has lowered their professional opinion of a colleague. I think it's really interesting.

Maren Hotvedt:
I've seen, since I started looking into this, so many examples of this where people are even taking to forums like Reddit to ask for advice about what to do. So I want to share one with you. This person said they've been at their company for three years and in their first year, one coworker added them on Facebook.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Great.

Maren Hotvedt:
Once they added one coworker, the other 15 added them and basically they had to accept at that point, right, or it would've been weird.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Even I think 15 is a lot.

Maren Hotvedt:
Yeah. It is a lot. And this person was posting on Reddit because now they said everything is very politicized on Facebook, and they've found that they have very different political leanings than the rest of their team.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Oh no.

Maren Hotvedt:
And so essentially they were trying to figure out how to politely and slowly block all of their coworkers without them knowing.

Christine Dela Rosa:
That's what I would do too and I'd be like...

Maren Hotvedt:
Like, I know, I know. I'd be like, how do I hide?

Christine Dela Rosa:
Yeah, I've done that.

Rani Shah:
The silent block.

Maren Hotvedt:
Yes. Exactly. And I think this is a real concern that pops up quite a bit, where when you're seeing this unfiltered version – or even a filtered version – of your coworkers' lives that doesn't necessarily align to your own values. You can find out information like politics that actually creates divides that translate to your working relationship. And this can be even worse if there's a power differential. If you're a boss or a manager, it may make employees feel that they have to add you, which can create all sorts of awkwardness.

Maren Hotvedt:
Can you imagine having to deliver performance feedback to somebody who just a few hours ago was laughing at a story of you kind of attempting to learn a TikTok dance or something?

Christine Dela Rosa:
I can, and I don't like it.

Maren Hotvedt:
I'd love to see that. I'll share one example that I think is very relatable. And this one is even juicier.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Perfect.

Maren Hotvedt:
So a worker shared, again on Reddit, that they had posted a story on Instagram essentially kind of lightly criticizing a gift from their boss.

Rani Shah:
I'm already cringing.

Maren Hotvedt:
Their coworker then screenshotted the post and sent it to their boss. Now, the gift was described as a "cheap wireless charger" and the person posted, "We can't pay you a competitive wage, but here's an off-brand wireless charger for all your hard work." Which, you know, not necessarily the most elegant thing to say, but fairly relatable, at least in my opinion. And after this poor person was ratted out, their supervisor told them, "It seems like you're ungrateful for the gift and your raise in January. I can't tell you what to post or what not to, but I just want to let you know it may negatively affect how your coworkers see you, and it makes me question your commitment to the company."

Christine Dela Rosa:
Oh my goodness.

Maren Hotvedt:
I know. I know. And the worst part is the coworker just tattle-tale-ing. I'm like, oh my gosh, guys. But the reason I like this example is this is really, to me, the post itself is the equivalent of sort of, "Ugh, Monday again." It's not bad. It's perfectly normal to not be super jazzed about work 100% of the time, and want to be able to express that, but also be committed to your job. And having a forum to mildly vent about work without causing harm to your career growth and relationships is important. But if you're connected to your coworkers, that becomes impossible.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Great point. Speaking to the judge.

Rani Shah:
Okay. I already have a response if that's okay.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Oh, perfect. Rani, let's hear your counter.

Rani Shah:
All right. So Maren, I read that story as well. Very juicy. And yes, it is a pretty harmless post with some pretty big fallout. But generally speaking, I feel like that person should have considered the risk before they posted that story. I feel like that's something we should do. No?

Maren Hotvedt:
Oh definitely. I'm not advocating that we should be able to publicly trash our workplaces, and it's certainly not something that I would do. But the story does highlight my larger point that you shouldn't connect with your coworkers, unless they're also your friends. It's fair for people to share frustrations with their closest friends, and had this person not been connected to their coworker, this would've been no big deal.

Rani Shah:
I agree with you about venting frustration. Here's the thing though. I think it's valuable to share that with your friends, your family, your circle – but not on social media. Because this is my second big point. What we post is never private, no matter what your privacy settings say, we can't control where that content ends up. So it's about being intentional about what we put online. So let me pose a question. Have either of you received a screenshot from a friend or coworker of someone else's message thread, or like what they've posted online?

Christine Dela Rosa:
Like today? Because that's like a daily occurrence for me.

Maren Hotvedt:
Yeah, definitely last week for sure.

Rani Shah:
Okay. Same here. So even if you don't have your coworkers on social media, this is a great example because it's a small world online. And even if you're not connected to your coworkers directly online, you might be connected to a coworker's friend, or cousin, or whatever.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Yeah.

Rani Shah:
I'm not saying we need to be paranoid about everything we do. It's just we need to be intentional, posting things that show you in a good light or at least in a way that you are comfortable with your network seeing. Because I really believe the boundaries between the different versions of ourselves don't exist anymore. There's no separation between who I am online and who I am in person. That's been long gone. And especially since the pandemic, there's really no longer a real divide between who I am at work and who I am outside of work. With social media and working from home, it's all one big self.

Rani Shah:
To back that up, I want to bring back my guest, Susan McPherson, the serial connector, because she's written about this belief where there is no work self any longer. I asked her what that means in her own life.

Susan McPherson:
Well, first of all, I'm standing in my kitchen. So, and I imagine, possibly I'm guessing you may be back at your office, but many of us are still sequestered in our homes. And I often say it is challenging enough to be one person. Why do we want to be two? You don't immediately shut off your work self when you come home. It doesn't mean that you don't turn off and have fun. I just meant the same person who turns off and has fun is the same person that shows up every day at McPherson Strategies.

Rani Shah:
So just like Susan said, yes, we have a different side of ourselves at work, but that doesn't mean we've left another side at home. So, that goes with your social media as well. It's all blurred anyways, so just be careful and curated about what you want to show off because it's going to come back to you at some point.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Got it. So after this, I will go back into my social media history and do a quick check, just for fun. Maren, distract me from what I am spiraling about in my head right now. How do you respond to this idea that there is no division between our online selves, or work selves, or any other part of ourselves anymore?

Maren Hotvedt:
So Rani, I hear you. It's definitely a blurry line, but I also think that we should be allowed to set boundaries and unplug in our downtime. There's this popular idea right now of bringing your full self to work, but there are plenty of things about people's full selves that their coworkers don't need to know. I talked about politics before and I think that's really kind of the most prevalent example. But there are a ton of other sensitive topics people find value in sharing online, but they might be inhibited to have those conversations if their colleagues are seeing their posts.

Maren Hotvedt:
One example I've been thinking about is a friend who posted about her miscarriage on Instagram. That's something that, yes, will live online forever. It's an important topic that she wants to talk about, but I could 100% understand if that's something that she wanted to share with her close friends and not necessarily with all of her coworkers. Boundaries are so important and you should be able to live your life outside of work without worrying if your boss is watching your stories, or how they're interpreting them more importantly.

Maren Hotvedt:
In "The State of Social Media in the Workplace" report from 2018, more than half of respondents said that they've decided against posting something because of a coworker. So Rani, very much in line with what you're saying. But at the same time, it just makes sense that if you're connected to coworkers on social media, you're going to be much less inclined to talk about your personal issues and the things that really matter to you. But I also want to get a professional to weigh in on this. So I spoke with an expert.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Oh nice.

Maren Hotvedt:

Dr. Casey Pierce is an assistant professor at the University of Michigan School of Information. I talked to her about the risks of blending your work self and personal self on social media, and here's part of our conversation.

Dr. Casey Pierce:
So, much of the communication that we do on social media is a performance to some audience. And when you feel that you are already doing so much of that performance at work to bring and show your best self at work and to show a professional version of yourself, then to have to kind of go back and forth on alternating between how you are at work versus how you are at home can feel like additional work in and of itself. As a Black woman, I'm very conscious in terms of how I'm viewed by others, and especially for those that might be afforded different privileges or power.

Dr. Casey Pierce:
If I'm fully my true self online, how I would be with family and friends, would that be misinterpreted by some of my coworkers who don't necessarily have the same context into my values, or my culture, or how I speak informally with family and friends? That would be a concern that I would have, and would that be held against me or being shown that I'm less serious in my professional world.

Maren Hotvedt:
Yeah. It's like you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. So it's just easier to simplify your life and honestly like not stress about it by keeping things a little bit more private.

Dr. Casey Pierce:
Completely agreeing with you. People might not think that like, “Oh, well I would never judge a coworker by the ways that they celebrate holidays with their family or by how they are spending time on the weekend.” But, we're all guilty of having these different biases and for certain people, the effects of how those biases can be used against them, especially in the workplace, have far graver consequences.

Maren Hotvedt:
Dr. Pierce makes two really important points. One is that we need this boundary, this place where we can be ourselves, but not necessarily our "work selves", and feel safe. And the second is around bias. And I think it's really interesting. I hadn't really thought of this, but we don't know how what we post is perceived. And so for me, that's why limiting to the people that I feel fairly comfortable how they will perceive and interpret what is that I'm choosing to share is something that I absolutely should be able to do.

Christine Dela Rosa:
That totally resonates with me. I mean, the hope is that we would be accepted and fully seen as whole people in and out, but there are some things that perhaps just wouldn't be comfortable sharing in both places and we need some protected, safe boundaries for that. That makes sense. Rani, what's your final point in defense of adding coworkers on social media?

Rani Shah:
All right. So my final point is also my most personal, because I would say I basically owe my career to social media.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Wow.

Rani Shah:
And I've seen firsthand how much it can do for professional development, if it's used properly. We all know this old career trajectory of get a degree, get a job, retire after 40 years. That doesn't exist so much anymore, and social media can be incredibly beneficial to support a long career in our new landscape. Even with my current job role, I've seen huge benefits to having a wide network of colleagues on social media. I work in brand marketing and there's been multiple occasions where I've seen people post online, or they've seen me post something online, and I get asked things like, "Oh, I don't know you work on that. Do you want to work with me on our corporate blog?"

Rani Shah:
Or vice versa, like I see people working on cool new projects and I ask like, "Hey, I'd love to show that off on a project we're working on." A really tangible example is I wrote a book on my own time. And it's something I'm super proud of, but I'm not exactly comfortable tooting my own horn about it. Like I'm not going to sign on to Slack and be like, "Hey guys, look at my achievement." So social media was a great place to talk about it and this helped because my coworkers who follow me saw that, and they shared it on our work Slack channels because they were proud of me and they were like, this is a cool thing that one of us did.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Yeah.

Rani Shah:
Let's kind of amp her up. And it made a huge difference for me personally because I felt closer to them, and it also led to opportunities within the company. And I try to do that now, too. If I see somebody posting something interesting online that is something I can gauge as work-appropriate, I love tooting my coworkers' horns because they're all doing such amazing things. And this helps lead to opportunities within my role and lead us to work that we're more interested in. So for me, I would totally encourage – I would say like, click, subscribe, follow your coworkers.

Rani Shah:
If you're smart about it, it can deepen those connections with your team and maybe even help you develop your career.

Maren Hotvedt:
Okay. Yes. You can use social media to promote your work brand, but there are platforms literally designed for this. This is why we omitted LinkedIn from this conversation entirely. Like of course, I connect with people on LinkedIn. I regularly chat to people on LinkedIn. And so I think there are ways to have your cake and eat it too. The second piece that I just want to make sure we chat about here is whether or not you need social media to connect to your coworkers. So again, going back to my conversation with Dr. Pierce, she made the great point that there are a lot of "antiquated" methods of connecting, having regular one-on-ones with your coworkers, grabbing meals with them, spending quality time with them.

Maren Hotvedt:
I think there's this false idea that we can't get to know our coworkers without social media. But that's not true. Instagram didn't even exist until 2010. I feel like I deeply know my coworkers. For example, I invited my boss to my wedding, but she's not following me on Instagram and vice versa. These can be two completely different things.

Rani Shah:
That's honestly pretty fair.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Yeah.

Maren Hotvedt:
And so this really brings me to my last point, which is that increasingly people are just opting out of social media altogether to avoid the headache of all of these decisions about who to add and who's going to see what. I mean, carefully crafting privacy and personal settings is work. Even before the pandemic, which I suspect has exacerbated this trend, people were quitting social media in droves. A 2018 study by Hill Holiday found that 34% of Gen Z said they were done with social media for good, and 64% were actively taking a break.

Maren Hotvedt:
Now this really resonates with me personally. I've found that certain platforms like Twitter and Facebook were not enriching my life or my relationships in any way, so I got rid of them entirely and I have seen absolutely no impact to my workplace relationships or my professional development. So this is my Work Check reality check.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Nice.

Maren Hotvedt:
To have a great work life, you really don't need to go through the hassle of having social media.

Christine Dela Rosa:
I love it. But I equally care about both of you, Rani and Maren. Heard so many great points from each of you today. Left me with so many questions to weigh. Is connecting online going to build stronger work relationships, as you argued, Rani, or create awkwardness, like you said, Maren? Does the work self even exist anymore? Or I hear you Maren, it's a headache. Can we just opt out and still have great work lives without it? I think it all boils down to our original question though: should you add coworkers on social media?

Christine Dela Rosa:
Overall, and despite the privacy I prefer for myself, I think that adding coworkers is a net positive. So that means, Rani, you are the winner of today's debate!

Rani Shah:
Oh my God. Thank you so much. Wow! Maren, if you're okay with it, I'd love to add you on Instagram or your super cute dog, but totally cool if you don't because it is your choice.

Maren Hotvedt:
I love that. Rani, I am dying to see this TikTok, so please send it to me immediately. I tried to find it and I couldn't. So I feel like a bad social media sleuth.

Rani Shah:
Oh boy, I'll message you.

Maren Hotvedt:
All right. Perfect.

Christine Dela Rosa:
Well, for all you listeners out there, if you want to connect with us online, sign up for Atlassian's newsletter by visiting Atlassian.com/workcheck. Until next time, folks, this is Work Check, an original podcast from Atlassian.