Speech bubbles

I know. Everybody’s too busy blowing things out of the water and knocking things out of the park to start talking and writing like actual humans. Well, guess what. The machines are coming, and they’re coming fast. If we don’t stop talking like machines and start re-engaging our clever human minds to come up with fresher metaphors and clearer language… WE’RE DOOMED.

So, join us in *officially* waving goodbye to corporate jargon with Corpspeak Haiku™. (Atlassian submissions below.)

And don’t tell me you don’t use corporate jargon. It’s the stuff business people use all. the. time. Including, I hasten to add, and maybe especially, marketing people like me.

That’s right, I say dovetail. But I’m not happy about it.

Tim PetersenShall blue sky thinking
From fifty thousand feet yield
Lower hanging fruit?

Tim Pettersen

The truth is, most corporate jargon says almost nothing. It’s confusing and opaque, and often keeps others from actually understanding what we’re trying to communicate.

Nick WadeGreen vision statement
Facilitates sticky-ness
Sustainable win

Nick Wade

Therefore, I say it’s high time we course correct on business jargon. That’s right, people, we gotta play hardball. We need to hammer this out, get all our ducks in a row, and hit the ground running. Listen, it won’t require any heavy lifting or even a coding ninja. What I’m talking about isn’t even edgy, cutting- or bleeding-edge-wise. It’s seamless, ok? It’s already baked into our DNA. It’s immediately actionable.

I’m telling you, this is disruptive and world-class straight out of the gate.

Chloe HollingsworthThink outside the box
Action that action item
And rightsize me now

Chloe Hollingsworth

Why? ‘Cause we’re humans. We already know how to do this. Marinate on that. And as my grandmother used to say about swear words: Using one shows you’re not clever enough to come up with a better word.

And, know this: we’re at the 11th hour, people. It’s zero dark 30, the machines are getting more intelligent, and I’m not willing to die on that hill. This is mission critical stuff, and the silver bullet approach ain’t gonna work. We can’t just fly under the radar and expect results. We need a deep dive. I’m talking soup to nuts, root to fruit, with all our feelers out.

Sarah Goff-DupontLeverage synergies
Skate to where the puck will be
Hit the ground running

Sarah Goff-Dupont

Therefore, moving forward, let’s forget facile jargon and dig down for more of that good, unique human stuff. It’s right in our wheelhouse. It’s out-of-the-box functionality. Big win opportunity here.

To celebrate this fond farewell, we invite you to join us in Corpspeak Haiku™. Add yours to the offerings above. Tweet @Atlassian!

C’mon, let’s have ’em!

This is where the rubber meets the road, people. Put a deck together. Circle back.

Ping me.

(I can’t stop…)

Say sayonara to business jargon with corpspeak hai...