I know. Everybody’s too busy blowing things out of the water and knocking things out of the park to start talking and writing like human beings. Well, guess what. The machines are coming, and they’re coming fast. If we don’t stop talking like machines and start re-engaging our clever human monkey minds to come up with fresher metaphors and clearer language… WE’RE DOOMED.

Tim PetersenShall blue sky thinking
From fifty thousand feet yield
Lower hanging fruit?

Tim Pettersen, Developer Evangelist

Seriously, I want you to join us in *officially* waving goodbye to corporate jargon. You know, the stuff that business people use all. the. time. That includes marketing people like me, by the way. Yeah, I say dovetail. But I’m not that happy about it.

The truth is, most corp speak says almost nothing, it’s confusing and opaque, and often keeps us from actually understanding what we’re trying to communicate.

Nick WadeGreen vision statement
Facilitates sticky-ness
Sustainable win

Nick Wade, Head of Business – Ecosystem

Therefore, I say it’s high time we course correct on business jargon. That’s right, people, we gotta play hardball. We need to hammer this out, get all our ducks in a row, and hit the ground running. Listen, it won’t require any heavy lifting or even a coding ninja. What I’m talking about isn’t even edgy, cutting, leading, or bleeding-wise. It’s seamless, ok? It’s already baked into our DNA. It’simmediately actionable. I’m telling you, this is disruptive and world-class straight out of the gate.

Chloe HollingsworthThink outside the box
Action that action item
And rightsize me now

Chloe Hollingsworth, Technical Content Specialist

Why? ‘Cause we’re humans. We already know how to do this. Marinate on that.

But, know this: we’re at the 11th hour. It’s zero dark 30, the machines are getting more intelligent, and I’m not willing to die on that hill. This is mission critical stuff, and the silver bullet approach ain’t gonna work. We can’t just fly under the radar and expect results. We need a deep dive. I’m talking soup to nuts, with all our feelers out. (Actually, that corpspeak sounds almost… good.)

Sarah Goff-DupontLeverage synergies
Skate to where the puck will be
Hit the ground running

Sarah Goff-Dupont, Principal Writer

In other words, we need to deencentivize jargon and unpack that good human stuff. It’s right in our wheelhouse. It’s out-of-the-box functionality. Big win opportunity here.

To celebrate this fond farewell, we invite you to join us in Corpspeak Haiku™. Above, you’ve seen the offerings from a few key Atlassians. Now tweet us yours!

C’mon, let’s have ’em!

This is where the rubber meets the road, people. Put a deck together. Circle back.

Ping me.

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